Why Therapy Isn’t Working (Yet) and How to Fix It
- Stephanie Di Giovanni
- Apr 14
- 3 min read
Updated: Apr 22
You may have heard someone say “therapy didn’t work for me” or maybe you have felt that way yourself.
Often, it’s not that therapy doesn’t work. It’s that no one really explains how to use it.
Therapy is an investment of your time, energy and money, so it’s important that it feels worthwhile for you.
Here’s a guide on how to engage with therapy in a meaningful way.
Change Happens Between Sessions
50 minutes of therapy a week or fortnight alone doesn’t create change.
Sessions introduce ideas and strategies but applying them in everyday life is where change happens.
It's like learning a language. You may understand the concepts in a lesson, but fluency comes from practicing it in everyday situations.
It can help to focus on one small, practical takeaway from your session.
Noticing patterns as they play out in real time.
Trying a different response in a familiar situation.
Pausing before reacting.
Notice Patterns, Not Problems
It's natural to focus on challenges happening in the moment. However, change comes from noticing the patterns underneath them.
Do the same thoughts keep appearing?
Do your reactions feel familiar across situations?
Do you respond in similar ways in relationships?
It can help to check in with yourself during a session "Am I only talking about this situation, or am I learning something from it?"
Be Consistent
Consistent and frequent appointments at the beginning of therapy build momentum.
As progress builds, sessions are gradually spaced out. When sessions are far apart, it can disrupt the process.
It can start to feel like you’re spending each session catching your therapist up on what’s happened, rather than building on the work from before. This can be counterproductive as it slows your progress and keeps you in therapy for longer.
Think of therapy like a prescription. Taking it consistently gives it the chance to work. Stopping and starting makes it harder to see the full effect.
Recognise Avoidance
Therapy isn’t always going to feel good. Discomfort can be a sign you’re moving beyond what’s familiar, and into a space where change happens.
When things feel uncomfortable, it’s common to avoid certain topics, stay at a surface level, or pull back.
Avoidance may provide short-term relief, but it also keeps you feeling stuck. When you notice avoidance coming up in a session, check in with yourself to see what might be underneath it.
Say When Something Isn't Working
Therapy is a collaborative space. You and your therapist are working towards the same goals. Therapists value your feedback. It helps shape the sessions to be more useful for you.
Don’t be afraid to say: “I’m not sure this is helping,” “can we change topics, this doesn’t feel important to me,” or “can we focus on something more practical?”
Moments of misunderstandings, disconnection, or tension are normal human experiences. Therapy offers a space to work through this safety and strengthen the relationship. These moments are a part of the process, not setbacks.
Be Honest, Not Polished
It’s common to think about how things sound or try to organise your thoughts before speaking to sound more put together.
Trying to make things sound logical can lead to filtering out important things. Saying it as it comes helps everyone understand it more clearly together.
Set Yourself A Goal
Having a general goal entering therapy can help shape sessions to be more focused and useful. It gives you and your therapist something to come back to and track
It might sound like:
I want to feel less overwhelmed.
I want to build healthier relationships.
I want to understand why I react in this situation.
The Connection Matters
One of the strongest predictors of progress is the relationship with your therapist. When the connection is there, you’re more likely to be more transparent and engaged.
Over time there should be a sense that you can speak openly, without holding back or filtering what you say.
Come Prepared
Take a moment before your session to think about what you want to discuss and what would feel helpful. Without some direction, sessions can start to feel like general conversation, rather time spent working on something important to you.
Give It Time, Stay Engaged
Research shows people begin to notice improvement within the first 6 to 10 sessions.
Progress often looks subtle at first, then builds over time.
Self-awareness builds first, followed by how you feel, behave, and respond to situations day-to-day.
Staying engaged matters. If something isn’t working, let your therapist know so the approach can be adjusted, and the work remains meaningful.
Stephanie Di Giovanni Registered Psychologist |
Clarity Corner Psychology |