Why You're Still Anxious (Even When You Get It)
- Stephanie Di Giovanni
- Apr 21
- 3 min read
Updated: Apr 22
You might already know why you feel anxious.
You might be able to link it to patterns, experiences, or situations.
But even with that insight, the feeling is still there. Why?
What’s Actually Happening.
Anxiety is a normal feeling.
Its designed to protect you, scanning for risk, discomfort and uncertainty.
When your brain detects a threat, it releases adrenaline and cortisol to prepare you to fight, run away, or freeze.
This can feel like tense muscles, a racing heart, shallow breathing, or feeling on edge.
At the same time, your brain shifts into survival mode.
The emotional centres become more active, while the part responsible for logical thinking and reasoning becomes less accessible.
This is why the threat can feel so convincing.
Anxiety is only a problem when it's activated too often, or in situations that aren’t actually dangerous.
Anxiety Works In A Loop.
Anxiety follows a pattern.
It starts with a trigger. A thought, situation, or feeling.
This leads to anxious thoughts, often focused on worst-case-scenarios. Your body reacts as if the threat is real.
To feel better, you might:
Avoid the situation
Distract yourself
Seek reassurance
Try to control it
This makes sense. Why move towards something that feels threatening?
In the short-term, you feel relief.
But in the long-term, it teaches your brain that the situation was dangerous.
So next time, anxiety comes back and the cycle repeats.
Why Anxiety Sticks Around.
You can know “this is just anxiety” or “I’m overthinking”
…but your body still responds as if the threat is real.
Understanding anxiety helps, but it doesn’t change it. Change comes from what you do next.
Not by avoiding it, but by gently moving towards it.
That might look like:
Sending that message
Going to the event
Letting the feeling be there without trying to make it go away
Through small, repeated shifts in your behaviour, you teach your brain that you’re safe.
Breaking The Loop.
Step 1: Notice When It Shows Up.
Not after the moment, but during. Try to pin point what is happening. Ask yourself:
What happened just before this?
What was I thinking about?
Step 2: Notice Your Response.
Instead of asking: “Why do I feel like this?”
Ask: “What am I doing that keeps this going?”
How do you usually respond?
Do you distract yourself?
Avoid?
Overthink?
Seek reassurance?
Step 3: Do Something Different.
If it feels too overwhelming, break it down into smaller steps.
Start with something manageable and build from there.
If it’s learning how to set a boundary, try it with a friend you know will be understanding.
Over time, your brain learns that the situation isn’t as dangerous as it feels. And more importantly, it learns that you can cope.
Albert Ellis, an influential psychologist, challenged his own social anxiety by going to a park and asking 100 strangers on a date.
Most said no. But that wasn’t the point.
He was teaching his brain that he could handle rejection and cope. Overtime, the fear lost its intensity.
This is the idea behind exposure. Not avoiding what feels uncomfortable, but gradually facing it in small, repeated ways until your brain learns that it’s not as dangerous as it feels.
The Anxiety Cheat Card.
If you’re practicing exposure, you'll feel the urge to pull back. Anxiety can feel convincing.
Pause and ask yourself these three questions:
What’s the worst-case scenario?
How likely is that, realistically?
And if it did happen, could I cope?
It can help to remember times you've coped, how you got through, and times that felt worse than you expected but you managed.
Consider how you might handle the unknown.
How much this would matter in the bigger picture or in five years.
... or just think of Albert Ellis asking 100 strangers out and surviving it.
Building this mindset is about showing yourself you can handle adversity, which builds confidence over time.
Stephanie Di Giovanni Registered Psychologist | |
Clarity Corner Psychology |